What, I am writing?

I despise writing! This is my final decision after I had two, two hour spurts on the same paper. I have a large enough word count to hand the paper in, but my paper says nothing. I see it go in five different directions and it dose not fallow the thesis statement.

I do not know if my thesis statement matches the rest of the paper. Oh hell, I do not know where the paper is going. All the parts are related in some way. How they relate I haven’t found it out. My writing is similar to Lewis Thomas, but my topics appear more closely related. I need to find the broader topic I am looking for. I guess in an exploratory essay, the search is the path to discovery. I will find the thing I never knew existed. My writing is an expression of that, since I do not know what I am looking for (in my thesis) and I write to find it. I can safely say, I am taking full advantage of this quest in my writing. I explore a wide range of topics from death to how I fit into the big picture. It is a mangled mess to find out my thesis and ultimately who I am.